Ex pens oh!
by Kitten
Summary: The offices of Ex pens oh! is the best place to talk to your bishies about your desires for only 2.99 an hour. Come see!


Host: "Welcome to the offices of Ex pens oh! Where you can talk to you favourite Yugioh character as dirty as you want!"

(Camera cues to Bakura, who is lazily twirling a knife as he reads off a piece of paper in front of him)

Bakura: "Lower, faster…No, I'm not reading off a piece of paper." (scowls) "Well if you prefer my hikari fine! I don't need this job!" (Throws off his head set and storms off)

(The Host clears their throat nervously and smiles brightly upon realizing the camera is on them) "Ah yes, let's move onto one our most requested employee…Ryou Bakura!"

(Camera cues to Ryou who is blushing a lovely shade of pink while on the phone)

Ryou: "Um hello there, so you want your desire played out? Well, oh my, I mean, um um well…"

Bakura (somewhere in the background): "And people want _him_ more than me?!

(Camera cues back to the Host who is silently snickering then perks up with a huge smile on their face when they see the camera is on them again)

Host: "Let's move to Malik Ishtar, shall we?"

(Camera cues to Malik, who similar to Bakura, is twirling the Millennium Rod)

Malik: "Would you like to play with my Rod? Well, you cannot play with my Rod, it is my Rod. I need my Rod to take over the world. Would you like to take over the world? Well you can't! You don't have a Rod like me." (pat's his Rod) Good rod.

(The camera pans to the Host who is pulling out their hair then goes back to Malik, who continues on his Rod rant before the camera is jerked back to the ruffled Host)

The Host: "Okay, enough of Malik. Let's see how his sister fairs."

(Camera pans to Isis)

Isis: "You do not need to speak; I know what you are doing. I know what will be and what has been." (pause) "There is no need to tell me this. I know everything with my Millennium Tauk." (sighs) "No really, I can see the magazine you are holding or should I say the crumpled mass in your hands." 

(Camera goes to the Host who is rubbing their temples muttering about Millennium Items)

The Host (still rubbing temples): "Let's see what our favorite mystic, Shadi is doing right now."

(Camera pans to Shadi)

Shadi: "Yess and I can reach there. No trust me I can go through you..."

(The camera is promptly jerked back to the Host who has this shocked expression on their face. In the background someone is laughing)

Host: "Erm, let's skip Shadi and move to someone else. (Camera moves past Duke who is playing craps as he speaks to Tea)

Tea: "Well I know that if you move slightly underneath and grab a good hold, it can be mind blowing, not to mention when he grabs your hips and moves you forward, well yeah sure it hurts like hell but still the after effects are wonderful."

(The Cameraman quietly backs away from Tea and pans back to the Host, who has their mouth agape)

Host: "Umm well I knew the quiet ones were dirty but this is rather unusual. Oh wait, isn't she a dancer or something?" (shrugs and smiles brightly as they try to move on) "Let us move on to our final employee, Seto Kaiba!"

(Camera follows the host to Seto's cubical)

Host: "We wouldn't usually have Mr. Kaiba here since he is a multi-billionaire, CEO of his own company and extremely rich. But _someone_ hacked into his account and wiped out Mr. Kaiba's account."

(Off camera, Tanith and the Bakura twins whistle innocently)

Host: "And here he is Mr. Seto Kaiba! Or Luscious Luke here at the work place. Let's listen in."

(Camera pans to Seto, who is typing on his lap top as he speaks)

Seto: "This is Luke, here for all your sexual desires.

(A gasp is heard over the phone): "Seto?!"

(Seto jumps to his feet in shock): "Mokuba!? What in the world… forget that, when I get home you and I are going to have a talk about calling places like this." (He hangs up his headpiece and runs out the door. The camera goes back to the beaming host)

Host: "And that it from the offices of Ex pens oh! Now be a good reader and review this story and be aware that neither Kaz nor Kitten owns Yugioh or its characters. Thank you!"

(Screen goes blank)

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Btw Ex pens oh is an anagram for phone sex hehe.


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